As I have mentioned before, I have a wonderful son named Wyatt. He is one bundle of energy and has led me to firmly believe that 4 year olds are made completely out of rubber. His normal state of being is bouncing off the walls. His mind is constantly bouncing around as well, from one topic to the next. He is just a little sponge absorbing everything. At 4, kids are also defining in their mind ideas about boys and girls and what are the differences. Still, I was a little unprepared for his question. "Mommy, why do girls have ports and boys don't?"
Oh my, how very interesting. I suppose I should mention right now that my son doesn't know that I have cancer. I don't believe that he knows what cancer is, and definitely not the impact that it has on a person's life. I would have much rather my son ask me something else, like why don't I have a penis. But we have already covered that one around age 2, thanks to dad the Nurse Practioner. The question floored me because I never thought about how cancer would affect my son's understanding of the world. I have thought about how it would affect him if I died, or if I was lying in bed sick all the time. But I never thought that he would equate parts of cancer as part of my identity as a woman. I can see it in his head. Girls wear skirts, girls wear nail polish and girls have ports. Ugh!
He wasn't quite old enough to understand what was going on when my head was bald. And he often likes to look at pictures of me like that because he thinks it is funny. He has never asked why I was bald before. A couple of his friends have super short shaved hair, so I think he thinks that it is normal. My son does know that I go to the doctor an awful lot. He thinks that it is terrible that they never give me any stickers. Do I choose this moment, while I am blow drying my hair to tell him that I am sick. Really sick. Things are fine for now, but we don't know what will happen in the future?
I paused for a moment, looking into his sweet little face turned up to me waiting patiently for me to answer. I put on my self-assured smile, and tell him that this is a special port and not everyone has one. It just makes it easier when I go to the doctor to get me shot. ( I think that explaining an IV is a bit much at this point). I also point out that anyone could get a port, boys or girls, but you have to need it. I pause. Testing this much with him to see what his response will be.
"Mommy, can I get another Bakugan?" Bounce - and the rubber ball mind is off to another subject.
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